Dear Annie: I have a problem with my boyfriend, who is actually my ex-husband of 25 years.

DEAR ANNIE: I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about two years. He’s actually my ex-husband of 25 years, and we got back together about 16 months ago. We don’t live together, but he’s made it clear that he wants to pursue that path and has even suggested that we should get married again. But last March, we had a big fight and broke up for about three weeks. During our break, he met a woman, “Rachel,” on a dating app and they went out to lunch a few times. After my boyfriend and I got back together, he continued to meet Rachel for coffee dates and walks on the beach near her house. I told him that I didn’t like the situation because they met on a dating app, even though he claims there’s no sexual or romantic interest in each other. He says that he just enjoys her company, that she’s a really “cool person,” and that they both have adult children and a lot in common.

We’ve had a few arguments about this and it’s causing tension. He says I “can’t have it all” because I have a few male friends and he doesn’t see a problem with me having relationships with them. But my male friends have been in my life for decades and there’s never been anything sexual or romantic with any of them. Plus he talks to Rachel every week and I only see my male friends once or twice a year. It’s just not fun and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m afraid to even bring it up again because it makes him so nervous. I love reading your column and could really use some advice. I’m not an insecure person by nature but this is really making me uncomfortable. Am I just being petty and possessive? — Am I being petty

DEAR AIP: It’s completely understandable that you’d feel uncomfortable with your boyfriend walking on the beach with a woman he met on a dating app. It’s worth noting that he was on dating apps at all when you’d been apart for just three weeks. And it’s disturbing that he’d be so dismissive of your feelings on the matter.

You and your ex have a long history together, which can be a burden when it comes to assessing the situation clearly. I encourage you to step back from the relationship and assess how you feel, in your gut and in your heart.

NOTE: The above column was originally published in 2021.

Questions for Annie Lane should be directed to: [email protected].