Dear Annie: I’m dating my ex-husband. Am I petty for being uncomfortable with another woman in his life?

Updated: 3 an hour ago Published: 12 an hour ago

Annie is taking a week off. This column was originally published in 2021.

Dear Anna: I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about two years. He’s actually my ex-husband of 25 years and we got back together about 16 months ago. We don’t live together but he’s made it clear that he wants to move in that direction and has even suggested that we should get married again. However, last March we had a big fight and split up for about three weeks. During our break he met a woman, “Rachel”, on a dating app and we went out for lunch a few times. After my boyfriend and I got back together he continued to meet Rachel for coffee dates and walks on the beach near her house. I told him that I didn’t like the situation because they met on a dating app, even though he claims there’s no sexual or romantic interest between them. He says that he just enjoys her company, that she’s a really “cool person” and that they both have adult children and a lot in common.

We’ve had a few arguments about this and it’s causing tension. He says I “can’t have it all” because I have a few male friends and he doesn’t see a problem with me having relationships with them. But my male friends have been in my life for decades and there’s never been anything sexual or romantic with any of them. Plus he talks to Rachel every week and I only see my male friends once or twice a year. It’s just not fun and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m afraid to even bring it up again because it makes him so nervous. I love reading your column and could really use some advice. I’m not naturally insecure but this makes me really uncomfortable. Am I just being petty and possessive?

— Am I being petty?

Dear AIP: It’s completely understandable to feel uncomfortable when your boyfriend walks on the beach with a woman he met on a dating app. It’s worth noting that he was on dating apps at all when you’d been apart for just three weeks. And it’s disturbing that he was so dismissive of your feelings on the matter.

You and your ex have a long history together, which can be a burden when it comes to assessing the situation clearly. I encourage you to step back from the relationship and assess how you feel, in your gut and in your heart.

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Dear Anna: About a year and a half ago, I changed jobs, got new insurance, and had to find a new doctor. The doctor I found was young, handsome, and charming, and I slowly started to fall madly in love with him. I have a condition that requires me to visit him in person every three months, so I see him quite often. I have another appointment and I’m already planning my outfit and hair. He’s married, and I would never hit on someone at his place of work. But I can’t stop fantasizing. Is this normal? Should I stop seeing him?

— Hot for the Doctor

Dear HFD: While this may make you more diligent about keeping your appointments, there’s a downside to using a doctor whose stethoscope makes your heart race. Namely, you’re less likely to be honest with someone you’d like to be attractive to. Think about it: If a potentially embarrassing health issue arose, would you really spill all the juicy details to Dr. McDreamy? If the answer is no, I suggest you find a new doctor, one with whom you can be completely honest.