Dear Annie: My Boyfriend’s “Friendship” With a Woman He Met on a Dating App Is Making Me Worried

This column was originally published in 2021.

Dear Annie: I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about two years. He is actually my ex-husband of 25 years, and we got together about 16 months ago. We do not live together, but he has made it clear that he wants to move in that direction and has even suggested that we should get married again. However, in March of last year, we had a serious fight and were apart for about three weeks. During our break, he met a woman, “Rachel,” on a dating app and they went out to lunch a few times.

After my boyfriend and I met, he continued to meet Rachel for coffee dates and walks on the beach near her house. I told him I was uncomfortable with the situation because they met on a dating app, even though he claims there is no sexual or romantic interest between them. He says he just enjoys her company, that she is a really “cool person,” and that they both have adult children and a lot in common.

We’ve had a few arguments about this and it’s causing tension. He says I “can’t have it all” because I have a few male friends too and he doesn’t see a problem with me having relationships with them. But my male friends have been in my life for decades and there’s never been anything sexual or romantic with any of them.

He also talks to Rachel every week, and I only see my male friends once or twice a year. It’s just not fun and I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m afraid to even bring it up again because it makes him so upset. I love reading your column and could really use some advice. I’m not an insecure person by nature, but this makes me really uncomfortable. Am I just petty and possessive? — Am I petty

Dear AIP: It’s completely understandable that you’re uncomfortable with your boyfriend walking on the beach with a woman he met on a dating app. It’s worth noting that he was on dating apps at all when you’d been apart for just three weeks. And it’s disturbing that he’d be so dismissive of your feelings on the matter.

You and your ex have a long history together, which can be a burden when it comes to assessing the situation clearly. I encourage you to step back from the relationship and assess how you feel, in your gut and in your heart.

Questions for Annie Lane should be directed to: [email protected].