Dear Abby: Living with a Hoarder Parent Made Me Worried About My Messy Husband

DEAR ABBA: My sister and I grew up with our father after our parents divorced. He was a hoarder. Years later, when he finally had to move out, it took three moving trucks to clear out the two-bedroom house. You can imagine what that was like. I am very unsettled by clutter. I appreciate an organized home with room to breathe.

My husband of 10 years understands this in theory. For a long time, he was a stickler for a more austere arrangement. But recently, we’ve become more financially comfortable, and he’s started collecting things. First it was comics; then a stack of vinyl records. Lately, his art supplies seem to always be spilling out onto the countertops and tables. He says his acquisitions are within the norm.

I know my background makes me picky about cleaning, but it’s really hard, and every time I come home and there are piles of random stuff and I have to move his stuff before I can make dinner, I’m stressed out. We don’t have the space for a “man cave.” I go to therapy, which helps, but it’s not enough. How can we come to a reasonable compromise when I know I may not be reasonable? — TRIGGERED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR TRIGGERED: An alternative to ridding your marriage of clutter along with it might be to consider hiring a professional organizer to help your husband organize his comics, record collection, and art supplies so they’re less intrusive. Other couples have successfully combined their two households to do this, and it may be the solution for you.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.