Opinion: Dating Apps Are Just a Game

The following is an opinion piece and does not reflect the views of The Eagle or its staff. All opinions are edited for grammar, style, and argument structure and fact-checked, but the opinions are the author’s own.

The game of the night is Tinder. Hinge’s suggestions are too stupid to read, and Bumble is great for messaging, but it’s the kind of night when everyone’s attention span is too short to do anything but swipe.

Gathered around a glowing blue light like a cult around a candle, friends debate whether to swipe left or right, whether to send a message or not. With each swipe, the profiles begin to blur, each one forgotten as a better one comes along. In this moment, it really does feel like a game—instead of real people, these profiles are just characters in a 2D world, defined only by their appearance and biographies.

There are over 75 million active users Tinderover 28 million for Hinge and over 58 million for Spinning topby Business of Apps. The profiles on these dating apps seem almost endless, causing some of us to forget or overlook the fact that each of these profiles are real people with feelings. Because of the gimmicks and games that are available on dating apps — designed to find “the one” or just a one-night stand — the apps can instead destroy users’ perceptions of others by ignoring the humanity behind these profiles.

Repetitive warm-up questions and an endless number of profiles have turned online dating into mindless swiping or the zombie version of scrolling. McAfee Security Company defines zombie scrolling like scrolling aimlessly, not taking in most, if any, of what we see. This is obviously harmful to the person on social media or a website, but completely losing attention on an app where the entire premise is to be attentive in order to find a person defeats the purpose and is honestly terrifying. The only solution is to either delete dating apps altogether or be completely transparent and communicative about your intentions.

The inevitable disconnection between profiles occurs in one of two ways: online disinhibition — acting differently online than in person, hiding behind the safety of a screen — or falling victim to mindless swiping because of access to an infinite number of users. While being expressive and open about your intentions on a dating app is scary and vulnerable, it humanizes you and other users, making it easier to avoid disconnecting between users.

Much like on social media where influencer comment sections are filled with hate, these hateful comments can be translated into harmful games, ghosting, or just plain cruel jokes on dating apps. It has become another platform where the person on the other side of the screen doesn’t seem real, and therefore what we say or do to these online “personas” doesn’t seem to have much consequence. It’s bad enough to join the hate train with others towards certain influencers whose lives seem distant and disconnected from our own, but our ability to act similarly to the people we choose to be with and who are literally close to us is alarming.

While companies’ algorithms are certainly to blame, and their addictive platforms are designed to keep users engaged and using their apps, acknowledging this reality and its harmful effects is a start to solving the problem. In an article from National GeographicKathryn Coduto, an assistant professor of media studies at Boston University, said dating apps are businesses that are designed to keep users on their apps to make money. Even small details like swiping are designed to make the apps feel more “game-like.” As more and more dating apps with such features emerge, it’s more important than ever to actively counteract these patterns by being more honest, more communicative, and a little more vulnerable about your feelings, to show your humanity.

Even if we are more aware and attentive to the people we swipe on, the nature of online dating makes it difficult for us to understand the reality of those profiles, and thus harder to break out of this vicious cycle.

That said, while it’s easier to blame the dating app system alone, it’s also important to reflect on your own usage. Dating apps can give you a rush of dopamine and excitement when you get a match, but that’s not always healthy. Dopamine Detox — breaking the brain’s reward cycle — is one recommendation for healthier use of dating apps. Being mindful of using them in moderation, not projecting your insecurities onto others, striving for more honest conversations, and recognizing the harmful effects they can potentially have can help break this pattern.

It’s important to recognize, though, that some people find their matches on dating apps even though they think of it as a game. “I also think of (Tinder) as a game and that I just swipe for fun. If I was bored on TikTok, I would just swipe on a dating app. I didn’t expect to find someone there,” said Molly Reed, a third-year student at American University who met her current boyfriend on a dating app.

People like Reed offer a glimmer of hope to singles who are still on the perilous journey of finding their soul mate on these dating sites. Maybe romance still exists, and meaningful relationships are still possible, but at what cost?

While these issues are due to the nature of the app system and the endless number of online profiles, it’s still concerning how these apps have prevented us from recognizing these personalized profiles with detailed information as unique individuals before we lose focus. Normalizing “zombie scrolling,” or online disinhibition despite the fact that every person behind the screen is real, is detrimental to our mental health by limiting the empathy we have for others. Unless all dating app users start recognizing this collectively and taking action against it, these symptoms of the dating app epidemic are not going to go away. Making sure you have the emotional maturity and the right mindset to communicate your goals is key. If you don’t, and you find yourself developing a distorted perception of other users, it may be time to take a break from dating apps for a while.

It’s beautiful, even romantic, to find your significant other among the millions of people on apps that some consider hopeless, but it’s undoubtedly a difficult task. In the process, your perception of others can be completely shattered, so it’s incredibly important to stop and reassess your actions, acknowledge the addictive, game-like tendencies of the system, and be mindful of the harmful effects that dating apps can have.

Sara Shibata is a third-year student in the Department of Public Affairs and the Department of Communication and a columnist at The Eagle.

This piece was edited by Alana Parker, Rebecca Samano Arellano, and Abigail Turner. Text editing by Luna Jinks and Charlie Mennuti.

[email protected]