Finding meaning in a consumer-driven world

Humans are wired for connection. We crave community, a sense of belonging that defines who we are and where we fit in. Yet for many, in today’s hyper-consumerist culture, this innate desire to belong has often been replaced by a drive to possess.

As we accumulate more stuff—gadgets, clothes, cars, and if you’re me, hats—we wonder if any of it truly fulfills us. Is the rush to material things distracting us from what’s most important?

It’s no exaggeration to say that some of us—maybe even you—focus more on having things than on belonging, and the consequences are becoming increasingly apparent.

The data on mental health, social isolation, and consumer behavior from the past few years paint a worrying picture. We’re chasing things, but increasingly feeling more disconnected, anxious, and lonely.

Change

Social media reinforces the idea that success is measured in wealth and appearance. According to a 2021 Deloitte study, 44% of millennials and Gen Z reported being “chronically stressed,” with social media cited as a primary cause. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok promote luxurious lifestyles, creating an endless comparison trap.

We’re not just trying to keep up with our neighbors—we’re trying to outdo their carefully curated, digital versions. (Hi, influencers!)

Meanwhile, consumer debt continues to rise. In the second quarter of 2024, U.S. consumer debt hit a record $17.8 trillion, while Canadian debt rose to $2.46 trillion, both fueled by credit cards, mortgages and loans. People are spending more than ever, but what is the emotional return on that investment?

Chasing a Bad Dream

A former colleague recently shared a revealing story. He was a high-level executive who, on the surface, had it all. But despite his success, something was missing. He and his wife decided to sell their home and belongings to a “world school” for their children. Now they live out of backpacks, focusing on relationships and experiences.

His story is not unique. Many high-profile people report similar feelings of disappointment, especially after a major milestone such as a big promotion or a significant acquisition.

This phenomenon is called “arrival bias,” and it’s the belief that once we achieve a goal—especially a material one—we’ll be happy. But as research by psychologist Tal Ben-Shahar suggests, this happiness is fleeting. The emotional high quickly wears off, leaving a void, often filled with the pursuit of the next shiny object.

The relationship between materialism and loneliness

One of the clearest indicators of the problems with prioritizing having over belonging is the rise in mental health problems. World Health Organization (WHO) studies show rising rates of anxiety and depression in recent years. The disconnect between individuals and their communities is growing.

Materialism and loneliness are closely linked. A 2021 study in Journal of Consumer Research found that people who value material goods more than relationships are more likely to experience loneliness and anxiety.

The more we focus on accumulating things, the more isolated and mentally ill we feel.

Belonging to the real world

Companies that foster a sense of belonging have the opposite effect. Take Patagonia, for example.

Known for its environmental activism, Patagonia creates a community of employees united by shared values. Job satisfaction comes not from perks, but from a sense of purpose. The company has built a culture that values ​​belonging over possessions, creating an environment where employees feel connected to each other and the world around them.

Similarly, the Buy Nothing movement encourages people to share goods in their local communities without financial exchange. It builds trust and community by showing that people can thrive without focusing solely on material wealth.

The Offline Club — which I wrote about in Forbes — prides itself on building a community where everyone belongs together without using technology.

Balancing belonging and things that belong to you

It is neither realistic nor necessary to reject all material goods. Possessions can improve the quality of our lives. However, when we define ourselves by what we have or seek fulfillment primarily through consumption, we lose sight of what really matters.

Debts—whether they’re cars, houses, or gadgets—should serve us, not define us. You’re probably reading this column on your phone or laptop. These tools can connect us in meaningful ways when used with purpose.

In 2022, researchers from the University of Bath found that as people’s basic needs are met, their desire for more material goods decreases. Instead, individuals prioritize social connections and sustainability, which offer greater long-term fulfillment than the accumulation of material goods.

Their work fits into decades of psychological research: the connections we make, the experiences we share, and the communities we build bring lasting fulfillment.

Call for a new heirBnB

As leaders, both in business and in our personal lives, we need to understand the difference between belonging and belongingness. Therefore, leaders need to advocate for HeirBnB—balance between belonging and ownership.

Building strong teams, nurturing relationships, and putting common purpose above material gain can change not only the way we work, but also the way we live.

“HeirBnB”—the need to balance belonging with material goods—is the result of realizing that while the pursuit of material wealth is not inherently bad, our most important accomplishments lie not in what we acquire, but in how we relate to one another.

If we continue to measure success solely by what we possess, we risk building a future that is disconnected, anxious, and ultimately unsustainable.

But if we focus on cultivating a sense of belonging alongside belonging – within our organizations, communities and personal lives – we can create a more successful future in the ways that matter most.