8 Ways I Raise My Kids Differently Than My Mom

Parenting in 2024 is a balancing act between crazy childcare costs, big emotions, and how much screen time is too much. I don’t remember it being this hard for my parents in the 80s. There was no peace, no co-regulation, no validation of big feelings. I was expected to do what I was told, and slaps on the feet were for everyone.

Boomer parents had it easier, right? They had it all figured out (or so we thought). Flash forward to 2024, and parenting looks as different as the Commodore 64 from the Google Pixel 8 Pro. Hello parenting styles—we’re looking at your gentle parenting.

In the 1980s, when you had a question about parenting, you reached for a battered copy of Dr. Spock’s children’s book or called your mom for advice. Today? You have a village and experts in your pocket, thanks to social media and the internet. It’s like having a 24/7 parenting hotline. And that’s a good thing, because the world has changed its expectations. We’re not just raising kids anymore; we’re raising future adults with Ph.D.s in emotion regulation and organic snack preferences. It’s exhausting, exciting, and often fun. But isn’t that what parenting has always been about?

I spoke to Anna Mathur, expert, psychotherapist at GoodtoKnow and mother of three, about why this happens and how I raise my children differently than my mother.

How times have changed

Remember when sharing childhood photos meant gathering the family around a photo album? Now, little first steps are live-streamed. And not to mention the pressure to create Pinterest-worthy bento lunch boxes. In the ’80s, if your kid’s sandwich wasn’t cut into the shape of a dinosaur, no one batted an eyelid.

Sure, we can now ask Google the most random parenting questions in the middle of the night — but we’re bombarded with conflicting advice faster than you can say sleep training. Parenting therapist and author Anna Mathur agrees; “Sometimes it’s information overload, right?”

Here’s the catch, all this information at your fingertips can be both a blessing and a curse. This readily available information has led to the rise of the “cycle breakers.” These are the parents who looked at how they were raised and said, yes, no, thank you. We’re talking about the generation that swapped “because I said so” for “let’s talk about your feelings.” And I’m one of them, here’s how my parenting compares to my mom’s…

8 Ways I Raise My Kids Differently Than My Mom

1. Timeout Corner vs. Calm Down Corner

It’s true, many parents these days have traded in the embarrassing timeout or “naughty step”. They now understand that children don’t give adults a hard time – They they have difficulties and their brain is not yet developed enough to cope with them.

Parents in 2024 create cozy spaces where kids can regulate their emotions. It’s less “Go to your room!” and more “Let’s breathe together.”

2. Eat to the end of your plate VS Listen to your body

This is a big deal for me, meals were a struggle. Left at the table for hours because I refused to eat liver and onions, and being told “eat this” when I said I was full. All it did was create a grown woman who couldn’t listen to her body or respect her own hunger signals. Out goes the force-feeding of vegetables, in comes intuitive eating. Who would have thought that not turning dinner into a battleground could actually work?

3. Boys don’t cry VS It’s okay to feel

Teaching emotional intelligence is the new cool. We’re raising kids who can label their feelings faster than Pokémon—and it’ll only benefit them in the long run. Emotionally intelligent people have self-awareness, empathy, and excellent communication skills—qualities that can make a huge difference in a child’s mental health and overall well-being.

Boy on sofa looking out window

(Photo source: Getty Images)

4. Do as I say VS Let me explain why

Now we focus on reasoning. Sometimes it feels like you’re negotiating with a little lawyer – but hey, critical thinking skills don’t just happen. They’re practiced over and over again.

5. Gender-Specific Toys VS Play the Way You Like It

Pink is for everyone, and so are toy trucks. We’re breaking down gender barriers faster than you can say toxic masculinity. And, the great news is, gender-neutral toys are a very real thing. Honestly, growing up as one of four with two brothers, I’ve always been a fan of HeMan, as well as Barbie.

6. TV as a babysitter vs. watching together

Screen time is no longer the enemy. It can be an opportunity for bonding and media education – if used “right,” of course. In the 80s, cartoons were limited in time. From 6am to 11am on Saturdays and Sundays, if I remember correctly. So the hard work of “setting boundaries” has been done for parents by the TV scheduling team. These days, I can have Bluey on loop all day long thanks to Netflix, but the struggle to turn it off is very real.

7. Go outside and have fun VS. Scheduled social gatherings

The spontaneous neighborhood games outside have been replaced by organized opportunities for socialization, aka social gatherings. I remember going out from 8am until the street lights came on and only coming back for lunch. I literally can’t even entertain an idea for my son without an intrusive thought popping up.

8. Corporal Punishment vs. Natural Consequences

Spanking is going away, now it’s natural consequences and helping kids learn from their mistakes. We’re teaching kids to make good choices, not just to fear bad ones.

What the Parent Therapist Says

“I think parenting feels so different in 2024 because of one major thing; ‘guilt.’” Anna Mathur tells me. “We realize that we can’t be mentally and physically present with our kids like our parents maybe were — in the sense that we’re juggling a lot more, there are occasional things that we’re working through more than moms in the ’80s.”

She adds that even mothers who worked full time felt more available. “My mother worked, but I felt that when she was physically there, she was fully present, she was buzzing, she felt very available if we needed her attention or affection.” Anna explains that for today’s parents, it’s just not the same, it’s all become “too much.”

“Our attention these days is a commodity that is being turned away from our children because there is a price attached to it.”
Anna Mathur

She tells me, “I feel like not only are we less present because of juggling work and childcare, but we’re also less present mentally because of the increased burden that that brings. And then our phones, let’s be honest, this digital world, it’s constantly demanding our attention. It’s because our attention is a commodity these days, and it’s being diverted away from our children because there’s a price tag on it.”

This is why parents feel burned out in 2024 and look back on their parenting years through rose-tinted glasses; “I think the need to constantly be doing something with our kids and doing all these things and making all these memories and having fun is a response to the underlying guilt we feel about not being there physically and mentally.”

Main conclusions

Here we are in 2024, armed with smart baby monitors, organic teethers, and enough parenting podcasts to last until our kids have kids of their own. We’ve swapped wooden spoons for mindfulness apps and “Wait until your dad gets home” threats for family get-togethers. It’s a brave new world of parenting, and sometimes it feels like we need an instruction manual to keep up. But underneath all the gadgets and gizmos, the heart of parenting hasn’t really changed. We’re still just trying to raise happy, healthy humans who won’t need much therapy later in life. We still can’t sleep with fevers, beam with pride at school plays, and secretly eat their Halloween candy while they sleep.

Whether you’re an 80s parent wearing acid-washed jeans or a 2024 parent posting #blessed on Instagram, you’re doing the best you can with the tools and knowledge you have. And let’s be honest, both generations have their share of “What was I thinking?” moments. (We’re looking at you, mullets and gender reveal parties.)

So here’s to all the parents out there, we may parent differently than our parents, but we’re all united in the universal experience of stepping on Lego in the middle of the night and pretending it doesn’t hurt. No matter what decade you were raised in, the most important tools are love, patience, and a good sense of humor. Oh, and maybe some noise-canceling headphones. Those are pretty good too.

Raising children is the hardest job in the world, it starts with postnatal life, and then, once you’ve survived maternity leave and you look down the barrel postpartum depression then you have explaining the mental load To the confrontation.