The silent crisis of modern parenting: Are we failing our children?

In the age of gadgets, fast-paced careers and social media, we seem to be silent
We are failing our children. The family, once the cornerstone of raising a child, is slowly fading into the background, replaced by screens, social pressures and fragmented connections. This is not just a passing observation; it is a crisis that threatens the structure of relationships, marriages and the emotional well-being of the next generation. Children are deprived of the concept of family very early in life, and the effects of this are visible in every aspect of adulthood.

Most teenagers today use gadgets and social media to shape their identity, often consuming content that tells them they are misunderstood introverts, misunderstood by their parents and society. Depression is marketed as something almost glamorous, and introversion becomes a badge of honor, even if it doesn’t truly reflect its nature. Before they even know who they are, they are sent to boarding schools at the age of 8 or 9, and from there they spiral further away from the core values ​​of family and community.

We are a generation of working mothers and workaholics or absentee fathers, too busy in the name of providing the “best life” for our children. But what is this “best life”? Branded shoes? Expensive gadgets? Lavish vacation? The truth is that until a certain age, children don’t care about the brand of clothes they wear or whether their shoes are the latest in fashion. They want the attention, presence and sense of belonging that only family can provide. A child can thrive in used clothes and inexpensive toys as long as he or she has the warmth of family interaction. However, many children today learn to find contact elsewhere because “mommy is busy and daddy is hardly around.”

Our homes become fortresses, often deprived of the things that spark joy and teach valuable life lessons. Pets, once a staple in many households, are rare. Children no longer grow up in a happy environment; they grow up watching mind-numbing shows like Cocomelon and other digital babysitters. As cities become more and more dangerous, children are confined to their homes and isolated from each other and nature. The harsh city life has made human interaction a distant skill. They are either paranoid about the world or too locked into the digital sphere to develop basic social skills.

Then there is the issue of constant change and detachment. Children raised by nannies have caregivers coming and going with disturbing regularity. Every three to six months there’s a new face, a new person to connect with, and another goodbye when they leave. Over time, they build walls around themselves, emotionally protecting themselves from these temporary connections. They learn early not to get attached to anyone for too long. This is how the art of one-night stands and transient relationships begin to manifest, long before they are ready for real relationships. If everyone who cares about you is gone within a few months, why invest emotionally? Why get attached?

When they’re in their twenties, you meet this man or woman and wonder why they don’t know how to build a stable relationship. But how could they? Their environment and upbringing conditioned them to disconnect before things got too real. These men look to influential people like Andrew Tate for guidance, and women look up to TV personalities who have written scripts. Instead of authentic self-reflection and self-awareness, they are attracted to shallow ideologies and performative lifestyles. Their concept of family and love is shaped by a world that has been written, edited and designed for public consumption.

How can we expect them to understand what true love looks like when their frame of reference is Instagram highlights and TikTok story trends? Of course they don’t know what forgiveness looks like. Of course, they will abandon you for something as trivial as putting toilet paper the wrong way. Of course, their love language is unrealistic expectations that no real person can consistently meet. And of course they are unhappy. Depression has been normalized and even glorified as inevitable. I don’t take mental health issues lightly; I’ve had my own share of challenges. But living all your life in your head, detached from reality, only deepens the cracks in your soul.

We have failed to understand that building strong families requires patience, compromise and, most importantly, presence. How can a child raised with home help, gadgets, and absent parents know how to navigate the emotional terrain of family? When life with a family means a bowl of cereal in the sink, noisy mornings, cloudy days and imperfect routines, they cringe at the mess of it all. They don’t realize that true love is accepting the imperfections of others. You realize that when it comes to people, it all comes down to the basics. The details don’t really matter. Love in its truest form covers many sins.

This is where the concept of family shines brightest. Children need community. They need the wisdom of uncles and aunts, the camaraderie of cousins, and the inevitable conflicts that come with it. These conflicts teach them how to resolve differences of opinion, how to compromise and, most importantly, how to forgive. They should argue over toys, get angry and learn the value of reconciliation. They should be tasked with washing dishes that have not been dirty, while learning responsibility and accountability.

Children should grow up getting dirty outdoors, playing until their clothes become a mess, and then cleaning up.

These experiences ground them in reality.

They learn that people are not perfect and neither are their circumstances. They learn that you can always replace a broken toy, but you can never repair broken family bonds. These lessons of forgiveness, responsibility and love can never be taught through gadgets or social media.

The present is a wonderful place, but children will only understand it if they are rooted in family and love. They need to be taught to live in the real world, surrounded by those who love them unconditionally. Only then can they grow into balanced, emotionally healthy adults, capable of true love and real relationships.

By rediscovering the importance of community and family, we give our children the tools to thrive not only in their careers, but also in their lives. And maybe, just maybe, the next generation won’t have to repair the damage we’ve done by being too distracted to notice the little hearts breaking right in front of us.

Stephanie Sewuese Shaakaa
University of Agriculture, Makurdi, Benue State.
(email protected).