Up to 80% of survivors keep sexual abuse a secret, but those who speak out give them hope – The Irish Times

Last Monday TOAtlin Correia appeared before the Central Criminal Court where her ex-husband was jailed for eight years for raping and forcibly controlling her, as well as other abuses.

She said the decision to give up her anonymity was difficult, but it was the right thing for her. Correia spoke about the years she spent in silence and hiding the truth, and how this brought her feelings of isolation, shame and guilt. She said she felt that if she remained anonymous, she would continue to carry these feelings.

Victims and survivors of sexual violence are well aware of these emotions and the burden of surviving complex trauma without support. It takes decades to remove the social and cultural barriers that prevent people from speaking openly about this issue.

As recently as 1993, Lavinia Kerwick renounced anonymity in an interview with Gerry Ryan. Speaking about this seismic moment during an appearance on the Late Late Show in 2019, she said that “before 1990/1991 you never heard the word ‘rape’ on the radio, it was like a dirty word.”

( The attacker was given eight years for rape and forced control of his wifeOpens in a new window )

Kerwick’s extraordinary courage paved the way for victims of rape and sexual assault who subsequently followed her example and came forward themselves. As she said very convincingly: “This guilt and shame does not belong to you, it belongs to the rapist.”

Now, three decades later, Kathleen Correia’s message to the public is still about shame and guilt, the same words used by Lavinia Kerwick. During this time, thousands of perpetrators have hidden in plain sight as the social stigma and silence associated with sexual violence has yet to be addressed and effectively provides cover for perpetrators.

Dublin Rape Crisis Center is delighted and grateful for the outstanding contributions of people who have chosen to speak publicly about their experiences. But for the vast majority, speaking on the court steps is not an option. Only a small proportion of the total number of people who have been sexually assaulted still see their perpetrator convicted of the crime.

Those who were sexually abused as children and are now adults face even greater challenges. It is understandable that there are many others who do not want to come forward publicly, and there should be no pressure or shame in this either – each survivor of sexual violence must experience the path forward for themselves.

For those who cannot or will not pursue the legal route, or those who begin the process but never receive a conviction, there may not be the same catharsis for the victim that a conviction or public admission of wrongdoing can bring. .

( Because of Lavinia Kerwick, Ireland learned about the trauma of a sex crimeOpens in a new window )

So what are the options for people who don’t take the legal route? Is there justice for victims without criminal justice? Where is the confirmation of what happened? How can survivors find support from someone who understands and who has supported other survivors facing the same trauma many times before?

In the summer, a criminal case was opened in which the husband was found guilty of raping his wife for more than two decades. Media coverage of the case has prompted other women with similar experiences to call the 24-hour national rape hotline, women who may never make a complaint to the Garda but who saw their own experiences reflected in the case. They quietly shared the triumph of the guilty verdict because it implicitly acknowledged their own experiences, and it gave them the courage to pick up the phone. Thus, there are many other victims who silently bear the trauma of similar events and who seek common ground with other survivors.

That’s why the Dublin Rape Crisis Center has developed the Signs of Hope awareness campaign, which gives survivors of sexual violence a platform to connect with others who have not sought help from support services. Eight out of ten people never ask for help. These are the statistics we strive to change by using reports created by rape survivors themselves that encourage others to contact the confidential and anonymous National Rape Hotline.

( Giselle Pelicot’s horrific experience is familiar to some women in Ireland.Opens in a new window )

One handwritten message came from a survivor of childhood sexual abuse at a religious school. It says, “I know a safe place where you can tell your story.” The fact that in the past he had no safe place to talk echoes what the Archbishop of Dublin, Dermot Farrell, was reported to have said on US television this week: “There was a culture of denial, a culture of hiding, a culture of silence, ignoring.”

Many people who call the hotline will never tell another person what happened to them. Others said their loved ones suspected they were harmed in some way and tried to offer support, but they didn’t want their families to be “contaminated” by what happened to them.

Some callers are completely honest about what happened to them, and we know that they will never call us again because all they wanted to do was express their insults to someone. For some victims, hearing a counselor on the phone tell them that it was never their fault, that they are believed, and that their experience matters.

One person who called us recently said he just wanted to tell the truth to acknowledge the terrible hurt he suffered at school. Like Kathleen Correira, he hoped that by telling the truth he could free himself.

( Dublin Rape Crisis Center launches advertising campaign to raise awarenessOpens in a new window )

This is the hope that unites the experiences of all the survivors involved in the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre’s awareness campaign. They believe in a future where there is no shame, isolation and stigma, and where people feel empowered to access existing support services.

Many calls to the hotline begin with the words: “I’m not sure you can help me” and “I’m not sure I’m in the right place.” Our message is that we can help you and you are on the right track.

As the campaign slogan says: “When you’re ready to talk, we’re ready to listen.”

Rachel Morrogh is the Executive Director of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre. Free, confidential support is available to anyone affected by sexual violence through the 24-hour National Helpline on 1800 77 88 88.