To this end, hopeless romantics can also become effusive and exciting partners. They are often empathetic, imaginative and thoughtful; they will go to great lengths to find the perfect gift or plan a memorable date. “A hopeless romantic brings warmth and a sense of desirability to a relationship,” says dating coach Nash Wright.

The pitfalls of hope

However, there’s a catch: “In addition to being optimistic, hopeless romantics may have limited and biased beliefs,” says Domenique Harrison, a licensed marriage and family therapist. This could be because they have a deep-seated fear of abandonment or an insecure attachment style; they may even unconsciously believe that, without a partner, they are incomplete. “If left unchecked, this can have devastating consequences and lead to shame, disorientation and disconnection from the world around them,” says Harrison.

In other words, hopeless romantics may prioritize love to such an extent that they become slightly delusional. Their quest for love may cause them to constantly seek out unavailable partners, move from relationship to relationship, or even ignore their own needs in order to stay in a toxic situation.

Great expectations

Naturally, having unrealistic expectations can set the stage for major disappointment and make it more difficult to maintain a lasting relationship. Because hopeless romantics place an inordinate importance on grand gestures, they may question their relationship when a partner does not reciprocate. They may overlook the small actions their partner takes and quieter qualities like honest communication and emotional vulnerability.

“This can be a way to avoid commitment and avoid problem-solving,” says Rachel Goldberg, a licensed therapist. “This can cause a lot of pressure in a relationship and lead to emotional distress when the fantasy is shattered. Over time, this could lead to a pattern of unhealthy relationships or difficulty maintaining long-term commitments.

Signs You May Be a Hopeless Romantic

Hopeless romantics tend to wear rose-colored glasses, but there are other telltale signs as well. “Common characteristics and behaviors of a hopeless romantic include devoting a significant amount of energy to romantic activities and creating fantasy scenarios about their future plans,” says psychotherapist Jessica Gaddy. Below are some additional signs:

Believe that love heals everything

“They may believe they will find happiness when that ‘one’ person comes into their life,” according to Goldberg.

Prioritize potential

“Individuals tend to idealize their partners and place them on (perhaps undeserved) pedestals,” says Gaddy.

Neglecting needs

“This might look like canceling plans with a friend or skipping yoga class to go on a date,” says therapist Alison McKleroy.

Driven by destiny

“The idea of ​​destiny determines their decisions; they believe that love is predetermined or written in the stars,” says dating expert Jasmine Diaz.

Ignoring red flags

“Hopeless romantics can sometimes overlook problems that they believe are solvable or are just a coincidence,” says Goldberg. “They may overlook a person’s problematic, hurtful, avoidant, and dishonest qualities,” agrees Harrison.

Refuse to think

“Hopeless romantics hyper-focus on the potential for a great future and don’t like to ruminate on the past,” says licensed therapist Priya Rednam-Waldo.

“They may believe that the perfect marriage is one that immediately ignites sparks that never go out,” says Goldberg.

I only talk about love

“Love is always the subject – it’s all they talk about, think about and dream about. Friendships can become one-sided,” says certified addiction and trauma counselor Audrey Hope.

How to Stop Being a Hopeless Romantic

It’s important to note that being a hopeless romantic is only negative if it causes distress or derails some aspect of your life. So the question isn’t really whether you should give up being a romantic idealist, but rather how to better balance your expectations with reality. “The key lies in how this romantic vision influences life and relationships,” says Paruolo. “Does it inspire personal growth and a deeper appreciation of love, or does it lead to repeated disappointments? »