A man who was kicked and punched, forced to sleep on the floor and denied access to the toilet by his abusive ex-girlfriend says he wants to tell his story to help other victims.

Gareth Jones, 41, says it took more than a year of therapy to begin to recover from months of emotional and physical abuse at the hands of a woman he met online in July 2021.

A charity he spoke to said male domestic violence is not as rare as some might think – and that one in six or seven men will experience it in their lifetime.

The Mankind Initiative also revealed that each year one in 25 men will suffer at the hands of a partner in Wales.

Earlier this year, Sarah Rigby, 41, from Winsford in Cheshire, was given a 20-month prison sentence, suspended for two years, at Chester Crown Court after pleading guilty to coercive and controlling behavior .

Detective Sophie Ward of Cheshire Police described Rigby as having a “control” over his victim, adding: “Many people think that only women can be victims of controlling and coercive behavior, but as this case demonstrates, this is not always the case. »

The NHS manager, originally from Pontypridd, Rhondda Cynon Taf, described being isolated from friends and family during their nine-month relationship, losing control of his finances and around £40,000.

He was subjected to daily verbal abuse and humiliation – he was not allowed to use the toilet in the house or take a shower without Rigby’s permission.

Strict controls on her diet caused her to lose 10 pounds (28 kg) in two months, while Rigby repeatedly told him she would tell the police he had assaulted her if he spoke to someone of these abuses.

Speaking five months after the conviction, he said that at first the relationship seemed “normal”, although in hindsight he could see it was “too affectionate”.

“I guess they call it love bombing,” he said.

“I asked myself, ‘How can this person be so loving?’

“I think it surprises you… you think this might actually be the right solution, and it might work.

“It was too powerful.”

He abandoned his apartment and moved in with Rigby just four months after they met. It was then that the abuses accelerated.

Rigby made him pay for all the time he previously spent at home.

He also paid £700 a month in rent, plus all bills, but was not entitled to a key and could only be in the property when she was home.

Restrictions were also placed on his use of the toilet and what he could or could not eat.

“She made me sleep on the floor, without a blanket, if things didn’t go her way, as punishment,” he said.

“I wasn’t allowed to shower, shave or go to the toilet.

“I had to hold on and try to get to the local supermarket, pub or restaurant.

“If she wanted to go out, I had to leave, even if I was trying to work.”

Rigby was going through her phone and telling her not to associate with her family and friends, telling her “you’re with me now”.

Any texts he sent to his mother, he deleted immediately to avoid any repercussions.

There was physical violence, including biting, kicking, scratching and scratching.

He described an occasion in London during a long weekend, where Rigby asked him to buy her a designer handbag.

“We were in Harrods and she said ‘we’re not leaving until you buy me something expensive’,” he said.

“She scratched me through my sweater, my arm was bleeding, until she forced me to buy her something expensive.”

Five months after moving in with Rigby, things came to a head when he met his mother in secret for a cup of coffee.

“She collapsed in front of me,” he said.

“I said to myself, ‘I can’t make my family suffer anymore’… they were begging me to leave.”

Around this time, Gareth put out a call for the Mankind Initiative.

They confirmed he was suffering from domestic violence – and hearing it from a neutral person helped him understand he needed to get out of it.

Gareth’s mother Diane Debens said the family were “proud” of him for speaking out.

She said it puts a strain on them, adding: “You go through a whole range of emotions.

“There’s frustration. You want to shake them and say ‘get out of this.’

“You know they’re hurting. It’s your child, no matter how old they are. And you feel really helpless.”

Ms Debens said they would see Gareth with bruises, which he would rub out, and on one occasion, a cut on his nose.

“I couldn’t believe that a human being could treat another human being like that,” she added.

Mankind Initiative chairman Mark Brooks praised Gareth’s courage in telling his story and said the experience of men like him was not often talked about.

“There’s not much out there about male victims of domestic violence,” he said.

“We don’t talk about it often.

“So there’s not always this awareness, even for men, that domestic violence exists and can actually happen to them.”

“There is a stigma”

Gareth and his mother hope he feels ready to find love in the future, but he says he’s not there yet.

Gareth left his abuser with “only the clothes on my back” and had to start from scratch financially, build a new house and renew friendships – not to mention the work he had to do to rebuild himself.

“It shook my confidence for a long time…I had low self-esteem because of the constant abuse,” he said.

“I had to go to therapy.”

He added that there is a stigma around men speaking out about being abused – and he wanted to tell his story to try to change that.

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